There is a popular musician named Fetty Wap. There is such a thing as a “pickle grabber”. Sometimes human children really do get raised by wild animals. Everyone wants to be in love all the time, but it’s never the case that everyone is in love at the same time. Donald Trump really might be the next president of the United States … again. There is no hard evidence suggesting the existence of god and plenty to suggest the existence of global warming, but more people believe in god than global warming. Somewhere back in your family tree, there’s a monkeyish thing. Some people kill other people for no reason at all. There are way more than four dimensions. Fetty Wap has sold, like, several million albums. China has a population of 1.4 billion. Dark matter is a thing that is actually most of everything, but which almost nobody knows all that much about for reasons almost nobody can really articulate. The pickle grabber is mass-produced in a factory somewhere, probably in China. Name any absurd belief and somebody somewhere is probably prepared to die for it. A national border is maybe the best alibi on the planet. Even further back in your family tree, there’s something that looks like a booger. In the Large Hadron Collider beneath the France-Switzerland border, very smart people do experiments that are supposed to somehow further the development of mankind, 99.99% of which are totally unintelligible to 99.99% of mankind. In Canada, we sometimes say “Sorry” when what we mean is “Can you please get out of my fucking way.” Donald Trump reckons a nation with 1.4 billion people is easy to push around if your name happens to be Donald Trump. Even I like Fetty Wap. At one point, people had high hopes for the internet that in no way related to pornography or cat videos. Some human children raised by wild animals seem healthier and happier than some children raised by humans. Dinosaurs had feathers, which means a lot of men spent a lot of their boyhoods playing with lizardy toys that resembled nothing ever living. Because no matter what goes down in another country you can point to a national border and say, “Yeah but we were over here!” The pickle grabber is sold mostly in North America to people who ostensibly have ready access to forks. At the base of your family tree, there’s either nothing or something way smaller and a lot heavier than this dot.